he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
we're making bets on your personal life
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
