Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
