Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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