But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
