She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
