Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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