The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
