I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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