Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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