I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
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