If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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