Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
