I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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