i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
