Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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