separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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