Can i not drive my cunt home
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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