last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I am available for nakedness
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize