He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize