He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
