Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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