I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
