That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
