At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
