I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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