When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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