soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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