how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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