i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
