I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
