1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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