MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
i believe in u and ur pee
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
