I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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