Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
