I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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