Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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