yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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