I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
