Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
our cab driver is having phone sex.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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