I must be too annoying 4 u.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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