around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
