I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Can I color on your dick again?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
