So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
and i looked up. we had an audience...
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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