May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
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