Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Can Purell be used as lube?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
