Swine flu is the new snow day.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
