why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
