Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
where are my eyebrows?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
