..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
