i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
