Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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