roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
