I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
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