please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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