I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
