I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
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