Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
