Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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