I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
