Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
