I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
