i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
