my room smells like sperm. sweet.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
