we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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