lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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