Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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