its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
