Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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