Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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