Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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