it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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