I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
