So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Those nachos came to me in a dream
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
