Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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